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Nov. 28th, 2007

Singing Butler

(no subject)

Dear  Professor Gorman,

Here is my horoscope for the day.

It might really bug you that sometimes those in power seem to be the folks who know nothing about what they are doing, but it is a fact of life. The sooner you come to grips with this sad truth, the happier you will be -- especially today, when a certain dumb decision by a higher up tempts you to say something out of turn. But the universe cautions you against impetuousness. Give your temper some time to cool off before you cause any friction with said authority figure.

I just thought you should know. Despite your best efforts to ass-rape me this semester, I got my HSRC approval today anyway. 
Do you smell that? Do you know what that is? Of course you don't; that's the smell of victory. Enjoy it, because you will never smell it again.

Thanks for all your help!

Nov. 4th, 2007

Singing Butler

(no subject)

Dear Art,

Stop imitating life.


Oct. 27th, 2007

Singing Butler

(no subject)

It's hard to wait around for something that you know may never happen but it's even harder to give up, especially when it's everything you ever wanted.


Oct. 17th, 2007

Singing Butler

The south is pretty zany...

I'm back to campus after a thoroughly enjoyable fall break of absolute nothingness at home. Today covered the entire range of my emotions and I am exhausted. But of course, not sleeping. My evening went from horrible to wonderful pretty smoothly, and I guess that is both good and bad. I found out an old classmate died in a drunk driving accident this weekend: Horrible. I played Apples to Apples with some of my favorite people: Wonderful. I guess that the good/ bad part of it is how easy it has become to just move on and add another name to the ever-growing list of Palo Alto kids who have died in the last few years (I think we are at 11 now). I don't know what I am thinking, or feeling right now. The only thing I do know is that I will not be sleeping much tonight. I guess I'll do this instead!

Step 1: Put your iPod or whatever on random. Step 2: Post a couple lyrics from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song. Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly. Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

1. When I wake up, Well, I know I'm gonna be/ I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you/ When I go out, Well, I know I'm gonna be/ I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
5,000 Miles - The Proclaimers

2. You can dress me up in diamonds, you can dress me up in dirt/ You can throw me like a lineman, I like it better when it hurts/ Oh, I have waited here for you, I have waited
Lala - Ashlee Simpson

 3. Hey, girl. Whatcha doing down there/ Dancing alone every night while I live right above you/ I can here your music playing, I can feel your body swaying/ One floor below me, you don't even know me; I love you
Knock Three Times - Tony Orlando & Dawn

4. [Censor] Every language easy/ Easy as the recipe for making Jell-o/ [Censor] And I can say 'Hello' in at least seven more
I Speak Six Languages - 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

5. There were bells on a hill, but I never heard them at all/ No I never heard them at all [Censor] There were birds in the sky, but I never saw them winging/ No I never saw them at all [Censor]
'Til There Was You - The Music Man

6. When you walk through a storm hold your head up high, and don't be afraid of the dark/ At the end of the storm is a golden sky, and the sweet silver song of a lark
You'll Never Walk Alone - Carousel

7.Look at the way the moon behaves/ Look at the way she paints a silver ribbon on the waves/ One thing I've learned and I'll share with you: [Censor] 
Nothing is Too Wonderful to be True - Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

8. And so it is, just like you said it would be/ Life goes easy on me, most of the time/ And so it is, the shorter story/ No love, no glory, no hero in her scars
Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice

9. It's very clear [Censor] Not for a year, but ever and a day/ The radio, and the telephone, and the movies that we know/ may be passing fancies, and in time may go
(Our Love is Here to Stay - Ella Fitzgerald)

10. You and me, we used to be together/ Everyday together, always/ I really feel that I'm losing my best friend/ I can't believe this could be the end
Don't Speak - No Doubt

11. They say it's a man's world, well that cannot be denied/ But what goods' a man's world without a woman by his side/ So I will wait until that moment you decide
It Takes Two - Hairspray

12. When this old world starts getting me down/ And people are just too much for me to face/ I climb way up to the top of the stairs/ And all my cares just trail right into space
Up on the Roof - Carol King

13. [Censor] [Censor] There were never such devoted [Censor] Never had to have a chaperone (no sir)/ I'm here to keep my eye on her
Sisters - White Christmas

14. He's got your number now/ He knows just what you've done/ You got no place to hide/ You've got no where to run/ He knows your life of crime/ I think it's [Censor]
Suppertime - Little Shop of Horrors

15. Never knew I could feel like this/ Like I've never seen the sky before/ Wanna vanish inside your kiss/ Each day I love you more and more
Come What May - Moulin Rouge

16. Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup/ They slither wildly as they slip away [Censor] Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind, possessing and caressing me
Across the Universe - The Beatles

17. Creeping like communists, it's knocking at our doors/ Turning all our children into hooligans and whores/ Voraciously devouring the way things are today/ Savagely deflowering the good old USA
Reefer Madness - Reefer Madness: The Musical

18. You're obsessed with finding a new brain, but what you need is a new body/ It feels your brain has lived a thousand lives before
Accidental Deth - Rilo Kiley

19. I stick loneliness, your lips, and the [Censor] of your eyes into my pockets, yeah/ Well, the train skates into Port Henry late Sunday/ Sometimes when I'm riding high, feeling fine, you know there's something troubling you
(Two Coins - Dispatch)

20. Well, I've seen [Censor] in one place/ But I stopped my counting when I saw your face, erasing memories/ Well, I feel as though I never saw a face before
(1,000 Things - Jason Mraz)

Oct. 7th, 2007

Singing Butler

Screw You, Responsibility!


Honestly, are you in love right now?
I love many people; family/friends etc. But I am not IN love with anyone. At least, I don't think so....

honestly, what color is your underwear?
It's a burgundy lace hanky-panky thong. (You're picturing it now, aren't you)

honestly, what's on your mind right now?
Fall break coming up. I have a lot to do before I go home and then I also have to deal with the going home part.

honestly, what are you doing right now?
Doing this survey (honestly). I am in Caroline's room trying to work on monologues for audition tech tomorrow. We have to incorporate unnatural types of gestures and I think it is a silly waste of time.

honestly, what did you do today?

Woke up with Katie in my bed (best way to wake up ever!) I read Tone Clusters for Playwriting and then got Chinese food with Whitney. Hung out a while with various people, ran some various errands, and then decided to bring Whitney and Caroline to see Black Watch again.  Halfway there realized that I had no idea when the actual performance was, and had Brandon clarify that we were going to miss it. Since we were already practically in Santa Monica, we went to the beach to have a late-night OC style photo shoot. Played on the jungle gym and had strawberry shortcake at Bubba Gump’s on the pier.  Had a Moulin Rouge sing-a-long on the way back to campus and starting working on monologues/this survey.

honestly, do you think you are attractive?
Honestly, not really. I think I have my moments, but generally speaking I never really have.

honestly, have you done something bad today?
It depends on what the definition of 'bad' is. I guess I had impure thoughts and stuff, so yeah...

honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?

I pretty much always am. Jealousy is my favorite deadly sin (Favorite meaning most applicable).

honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
Hmmmm, I don't know if there is any one thing that can make me happy most of the time, but rather the little things that catch me off-guard and remind my how wonderful it is to realize I am happy for no real reason.

honestly, do you bite your nails?
Yup, but I'm getting better.

honestly, what is your mood right now?
I guess I'm antsy. I want to be do a lot of things that I can't do, for physically, emotionally, and mentally.

honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?
Honestly, Jewels. I mean, I miss her constantly, but I have been craving her a lot recently.

honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
Yeah, who doesn't?

honestly, do you hate someone right now?
I don't think I have ever honestly hated anyone.

honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
My Mom/Dad.

honestly, do your wrists hurt?
Not really, no. But thanks for asking.

honestly, are you in denial?
Yeah, who isn't?

honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?

honestly, does anyone like you?
I hope so...

honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
I hope so...

honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?
Everything I said was true, but I could have said more.

Oct. 1st, 2007

Singing Butler

Lazy Monday

I have so much to say but no words to write.
Itunes shuffle gives me Jason, and he gives me lyrics to sing.

Hands in line
Arms close, to my side
I'm fighting tides, of an ocean's undertows
And I figure that I might not make it,
And I'm waking empty
But I'm seldom speaking
And the words retreat yeah they breathing histories into these stories untold
And my arms unfold.

My hands are high
And I'm holding out, but holding up
And I figure that I, figure that I just might make it
And I'm waking empty, but seldom sleeping
And the words repeat,a ,breathing histories into stories untold
And I--- unfold.

Aug. 29th, 2007

Singing Butler

Thanks for Everything I know...

I'm back. In Haines. Across the hall from my freshman year triple. Only now I'm a senior. In a single. Golly.
So, I haven't posted in a long time, which I like to think means that I was too busy doing amazing things to stop and reflect on them. I guess the last thing I wrote about was the Vegas Bat Mitzvah earlier in the summer, so let's go from there.
I was home for a little while. I guess nothing terribly exciting happened, because I can't really remember much of it. I know I saw some wonderful people and revisited some wonderful places. 
Then I left for my 2 month adventure in New York. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I cannot even express how glad I am that I made it there. Since I was too busy living to reflect in my lovely journal, I guess that I will just cover the highlights:
Apartment: I was living in Brian and Alissa's duplex on 64th St. between 1st and 2nd avenue. Two floors, two bathrooms, two televisions, a kitchen, laundry room, patio and a psychic. (There was a psychic living in the building and the first thing you see is a neon sign in the front window advertising tarot card readings.
Subway: Molly's sense of direction is pretty much non-existent, so even with numbered streets I managed to get myself horribly lost on many occasions. During my first few days settling in, I decided to take a practice run from my apartment to the building where my classes would be held. My first attempt, I got to the subway station got on the right train, but that was about as far as I got. When I finally realized that Union Square and 14th street were the same stop I jumped up to get off the train. Just then, a man entered the train, stood in the doorway blocking my exit and said "You're not gettin' off!" As the doors closed behind him, he walked away to a corner and proceeded to talk to himself as the train moved on. I ended up near Bleaker St. completely disoriented; calling my mom in California and having her direct me home again.

School: The CAP21 Professional Musical Theater Training Program is where the NYU Tisch students go for their musical theater training. The summer program is an intensive for college and up attempting to cram the best parts of Tisch into 6 weeks. I was taking classes in vocal technique, vocal performance, acting, musical scene study, auditions technique, business of theater, advanced music theory. I met amazing people and learned amazing things. I realized that I have never really had any musical theater training before outside of the experience of being in a musical. I mean, I did PACT conservatory, but I don’t know if we ever actually really learned much about how to do musical theater.

I wish I could go back and replay ever role I have ever played, because I know I could do it so much better now.

One of the things I really wanted to learn about was my type. I have played pretty much everything so I never know what to go in for. At the end of classes, we had a big mock audition where real casting directors came in and had us audition for a fake summer stock program. We went through callbacks to casting where we found it if and what we would have been cast as. I was the only person to be called back for both Maria and the Mother Abbess in Sound of Music. And casting day I was told “You were the best Maria, and the best Mother Abbess. We cast you as both. Good Luck with that.” I guess there is something to be said for versatility, but…what?

Shows: I saw so many wonderful shows, but of course, nowhere near as much as I would have wanted. Here are some of my faves:  

            Les Miz: It was pretty much the same as it always is except a few new songs (no ‘little people’ when Gavroche dies, but the new song had the same effect) and a more ethnically diverse cast. Cosette was terrible, but the rest of them were really great. We found out that our acting teaching is engaged to the guy playing Jean Valjean. Alexander Gemignani. He’s frickin’ awesome!

            Spring Awakening: Despite the hype and knowing the story, I went into it thinking it might not be my thing. It was far better than I anticipated; they had me crying many a time. The sex scene was unbelievable. I have never scene anything that intense onstage. We were sitting on the far side of the theater so we saw her boobs and his butt. She disappointed, he did not.

            Eurydice: It was just so pretty! I love Greek myths and I love water on stage, and this play delivered. It premiered at Berkley Rep a while ago and I remembered hearing great things about it. The set was fantastic and the direction was wonderful. There were moments where no one would say anything for minutes and the audience was completely in awe. They too got my crying and I am probably using her last monologue saying goodbye to Orpheus at Generals.

            10 Million Miles: Patty Griffin made a musical, I love Patty Griffin. Matthew Morrison starred in it, I love Matthew Morrison. The show was fine. The plot was stitched together around existing songs s it was a little clunky. However, any show that has Matthew Morrison shirtless and blindfolded, lying on a bed and singing to a girl named Molly is alright by me!

In the Heights: We saw the closing night of this show Off-Broadway as it prepares for its Broadway Transfer. Notables in the audience were Julia Murney, Rosie Perez, and the entire cast of Spring Awakening (and Scotty, Sarah, and me!) It was just great. It was a relatively simple story that was clever, touching and overwhelmingly uplifting. The music was very catchy even though it was hip-hop and rap infused. The writer starred and it was clear that he really connected with every word he said. I thought I would share one of my favorite little song bits. At this point Nina came home to Washington Heights after a rather tumultuous freshman year at Stanford and had a one night Stand with Bennie, one of her Dad’s employees:

Bennie: Fo’ real tho’

I think I maybe sorta love you, fo’ real tho’.

My socioeconomic status is real low,

But I’ll do what I must for your trust this ain’t lust

It’s much much more,

And I’m at your door.

Nina: But in California when I’m staring at the sea,

Will you wait for me?

Bennie: What?

Nina: I’m going back to Stanford.

Bennie: Right. You should. Thanks for listening.

Nina: Bennie.

Bennie: I’m still here.

Nina: Come to Palo Alto for a second date?

Bennie: Tha’s wuz’s up!


Anyhoo, that about sums it up for now. I am sure I will come up with many other brilliant things to add. This was far longer than I intended it to be, but I just started writing and remembering, and now I just can’t stop smiling…


Jun. 6th, 2007

Singing Butler

What Happens in Vegas...

I just got back from a Bat Mitzvah in Las Vegas. Not relatives, but close family friends who my mom grew up with. We have attended 2 other services for their other children and this one was for their youngest. It was insane. I was not prepared for what I experienced. I thought that the others had set a precedent, but I was not expecting anything like it. The party itself actually made it into a gossip column. 

Las Vegas Review-Journal
Jun. 05, 2007
Copyright © Las Vegas Review-Journal

NORM: Parents think big for bat mitzvah


In the one-upsmanship capital of the world, Erica Jill Fieldman's bat mitzvah might have set the bar.

For starters, her parents, Showcase mall developer Barry and Amy Fieldman of Henderson, rented the cavernous Fashion Show mall on Saturday from 8 p.m. to 1 a.m. and transformed it into a fashion-themed takeoff of "The Devil Wears Prada."

Erica, an aspiring designer, and 100 of her mostly preteen friends made a grand entrance on a purple carpet lined with actors portraying paparazzi and media hounds.

When the 12-year-old entered, photos from her childhood and a recent fashion shoot flashed on three large screens, with her pink-logoed fashion design label, E. Jill. Purple and pink are her daughter's favorite colors, her mother said.

Professional models, friends and family appeared in an Erica-helmed fashion show, with her daughter playing "the bitch fashion designer" to the hilt, the mother said.

At the end of the fashion show, confetti cannons erupted, and Erica received the traditional bouquet of roses.

The more than 300 guests sat at dinner tables featuring prominent designers. Models wore tablelike attachments topped with desserts.

Females dancers performed inside transparent bubbles while the runway doubled as a dance floor. Another area was transformed into a speakeasy for the children.

Witnesses estimated the coming-of-age extravaganza, planned by LT Eventions and catered by Wild Truffles, might have cost more than $500,000.

Fortunately, said Amy Fieldman, it is their last mitzvah. For their oldest son, Michael, they had an skating rink set up in a ballroom at the Rio. Another son, Kyle, a horse lover, was treated to a hoedown for 200 at Sandy Valley Ranch.

May. 5th, 2007

Singing Butler

Studying for Finals...

This is sort of the most amazing/addicting thing ever!

Apr. 6th, 2007

Singing Butler

(no subject)

am i alone in this?
never a night where i can sleep myself till day.
we must try to figure it out.
figure it out.
it won't be that easy.
we lost it somehow.

you come over unannounced.
silence broken by your voice in the dark.
i need you here tonight
just like the ocean needs the waves.

the night becomes the space that's somewhere in between
what i feel and what i'm told.
sitting on the shoreline trying to figure it out.
figure it out.
to find out the meaning and reach it somehow.

fall around me now,
like stars that shine and brighten the way.
i need you here tonight just like this night it needs the rain.
the season has changed.
the wind, it blows colder now.
colder now.
the clouds are raised,
the rain it falls harder now.
all around.

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